Conversations with Calliope

Good morning Calliope. I can't stay to chat but I did want to leave with you the eulogy I wrote for Aunt Lucille's funeral this morning. I will talk with you tomorrow.

Eulogy- Lucille Rider
Lucille loved to read everything from Edgar Allen Poe to Chicken Soup for the Soul. As I woke up this morning, I thought of a line from Lord Byron’s poem, The Maid of Athens, “Zoe mou sas agapo- My life I love you.” I think this line summarizes how Lucille approached each new day.
Several years ago I was in the market for a better car and noticed that Lucille had her Buick for sale. I looked into it, thinking that a car owned by a woman in her 80’s would most likely have relatively few miles on it. I was surprised to find that she had managed to travel 84000 miles in a few years without taking any long trips. I ended up buying her car, named it after her, and began to hope that it would have half the stamina she did.
I have written about her in my columns, marveling at her energy. My first visit to her house was shortly before Christmas. Carol insisted I see her Aunt Lucille’s basement. There, amid her husband Jake’s clock collection, were more presents than I imagined Santa Claus having in his workshop. She had been chasing around Western New York collecting presents for months. I suppose that is what accounted for at least some of the miles on her car.
I have not known Lucille nearly as long as most of you have. Being with Carol the past eleven years, Aunt Lucille has become a major part of my life. When Carol and I were first going together, I remember Lucille bringing a plate of her rolls to the door at Christmas time. She returned year after year, rolls in hand, until her recent decline. I felt privileged to be able to bake breads and bring them to her in return. She always talked about not being able to taste anything, but somehow she still found each of my breads delicious.
I learned that Lucille acted as Carol’s mother despite having seven children of her own. I have met all of Lucille’s children and grandchildren in the intervening years and have been impressed by how her family revolved around her especially in the last few months as she has moved from being the rock of the family to the one who needed care.
She has lived her life in the sight of God, going to visit Him in Church when she was able. When she was no longer able to make it to church, Father Mike, Gerry or Liz brought her Communion.
If God did not express His will clearly, Lucille always had her own ideas about what should be done. I don’t recall her ever being lost for an opinion on any topic whatsoever. She could tell you how a restaurant should fill its wine glasses as well as how people should conduct their lives.
Despite her strong opinions, I don’t ever recall hearing her berate anyone or even speak to anyone unkindly. She could muster the troops to get someone moving, but often did so with humor. Still, she always took the time to listen to others.
She was a woman of various talents, many of which I only knew about from Carol such as her chair caning, reupholstery, interior painting, wallpapering, and sponge painting. Gerry Diskin recalls that she could change the look of a kitchen in a single day with a roll of contact paper. Anto especially remembers her unparalleled rolls and her once devising a rope handle for a suitcase, stirring up images of the Clampetts.
She also used the same ingenuity to be sure she was dressed and groomed to perfection.
In recent months her physical stamina faded, but not her spirit. She was sharp as a tack until a few days before she died, and even then had moments of lucidity and was able to insert a wry comment into the conversation.
She was close to leaving us a couple weeks ago. She told us she saw George and Jake preparing a card table for euchre but they weren’t quite ready for her. Another time she saw them again but she wasn’t quite ready herself. When she finally was ready, she told us clearly.
Driving around Leroy lately, I missed having her to visit as she held court in her living room or at the kitchen table. There is a void in my life as I know there must be in all of yours. I have been struggling to put my finger on just what she brought all of us.
Jon was her first child and lived only a few days. She was told she would not be able to have any other children. From heaven, Jon has watched her beat the odds and go on to have seven more children.
Her family shared with me some of their favorite memories. Linda remembers her mother’s unconditional love and her faith which was deeply ingrained in her soul.
Sandy especially remembers taking her mother to a 2006 New Year’s Eve Party at one of her friends’ houses and realizing how much can change about life in one year. She remembers her mother hugging and kissing everyone as she always did when anyone came to visit. She recalls her mother living for each moment. She lived unselfishly and made each person she was with feel special. She was gracious to the end, concerned and worried about everyone else rather than herself even in her last moments.
Mary Margaret remembers as a child seeing her mother never afraid to do anything and teaching her many skills by having her join in with whatever project occupied her at the moment. She especially remembers her mother’s unconditional love for everyone as well as her constant forgiveness whenever it was called for. She accepted everyone and her door was always open to visitors. She especially provided a safe and accepting place for kids to visit. Her husband Jim recalls her as very caring. She always had a nice greeting and the inevitable kiss for everyone walking in her door. He also recalls her never being shy about expressing her opinion which always made him think when it was directed toward him.
Patty recalls her mother’s directness, even about her own death with the words, “Let’s get the show on the road.” She had two caring husbands whom she had recently seen waiting for her in heaven. Keeping the family together was very important to her and she did her best to make sure it stayed cohesive.
Yvonne recalls some of the lighter moments in her mother’s final months. She remembers a time when she was learning to change her mother’s oxygen. As she wrestled with the cylinder, it let out a poof of air startling Anto’s cat. As she continued to struggle with it, it let out a larger poof of air, sending the cat scrambling for cover.
Another time, she was trying to figure out how to wash her mother’s hair over a basin. Yvonne was not aware that a cup would have made it easier and was ready to dump the whole bucket of water over her mother’s head, like Gatorade on a Super Bowl coach.
Bob especially remembers his mother’s consistent generosity which reached a fever pitch as each Christmas approached.
Mike could not find a way to put his memories into words. However he did display his characteristic grin when his mother was mentioned.
Amy recalls her grandmother always welcoming everyone with open arms to her home. Even when people in her family disappointed her or she disagreed with what they did, she still loved them unconditionally.
Catholic tradition holds that angels are bodiless spirits who act as messengers from God to relay to us what we need to know. I am sure there are also angels in the flesh. I have been privileged to meet several of them as they passed through my life. Lucille was one of them. Many times her message was one of love and acceptance, but sometimes one of caution when needed, always direct and to the point. I know I will miss her love and concern. Lucille, thank you for your life. We will always love you.
I would like to end with my favorite part of the Latin funeral service. It begins with the words “In paradisum deducant te angeli. (May the angels lead you into paradise.)”