Love, Tension and Hatred

I just finished reading John Cornwell's book, Breaking Faith, about developments in and current status of the Catholic Church. Toward the end of the book he sees the value of tension in an organization (the church, a country, the world.) There is a difference between tension and hatred. Tension, accompanied by respect, and dare I say it-love, is a means toward growth and evolution of culture while hatred leads us to try to destroy each other. No matter who wins, we all lose. The winners become more autocratic and the losers become more disgruntled. How do we stop at tension without progressing to hatred?