Who Are You?

When we meet strangers, our first question after learning their names is often what they do for a living. We ask about only one aspect of their lives and might not get beyond that. I once heard a suggestion to ask instead, "Who are you?" I don't mean just the person's name. What if we inquire about what is important to people, what they really want from life and how successful they have been so far in finding what they want. I have ventured toward such questions at times but they seem intrusive. Do we really have the right to ask what makes other people tick, especially after just meeting them? People can always refuse or change the subject if the question seems too personal. When I can't bring myself to be so bold, I try to find out a little about people I will be meeting if possible, so I have an idea what they might be comfortable discussing. We can enjoy safe conversation, but we might learn something valuable about living our own lives by being bolder.

(Meet the cast- Caronia entertainers)

Cell Phones and Anarchy

I have been bothered by the number of people who ignore the law about use of cell phones while driving. I would not want to be the victim of such drivers due to their inattention. A few days ago I read a letter to the editor in which the writer suggested that such laws were stupid and that people should be allowed to decide for themselves when it was safe for them to use a cell phone while driving. It occurred to me that such logic could also be applied to use of alcohol and other drugs while driving. Maybe people should be able to decide how much they could drink and still be safe drivers. Somehow the logic did not make sense. But it seems we have come to a point in our society where people take it upon themselves to decide whether laws make sense for them. If they do not think so, they take it upon themselves to do whatever they want. I wonder how we have moved from a nation of agreed-upon laws to one of personal laws fitting everyone's whim.

(Accident caused by a drunk driver using a cell phone)

Staying Alive

Last week I talked with a veteran, a World War II sailor on a seaplane tender in the mid-Atlantic. He told me of the many German submarines the task force sank. His ship was full of fuel and would have exploded with the impact of one torpedo. He told me there were three rules in the military: stay alive, stay alive and stay alive. But then he told me of people who could not face combat and committed suicide. At least some of them wanted control over their own death, even though it was not clear that they would die. The possibility was enough. I have never been at the point where life was not worth living and the prospects ahead not worth facing. In that sense I have been blessed.

(Flanders Field)

Both Sides Now

For the past few years it seems Americans have been polorized on just about any conceivable issue. Today I read in the paper reactions to the story about a baby dying after being left in a car accidentally. To my surprise, most people asked could empathize with the mother while at the same time seeing that she should be held accountable. It made me wonder whether it takes a tragedy to bring us to see both sides of an issue. I also wondered whether we have become a nation of polarized thinkers on our own or whether our political climate has done this to us. I guess we could argue both sides of this issue too but maybe we could just ponder it for a while before reacting.

(Original wall- Tower of London)

Serendipity

Recently I asked for feedback from some other writers about my novel manuscript. In the past, I felt I had to either accept or reject criticisms and suggestions. I have recently learned that I don't have to take everything at face value. Sometimes a comment with send my thinking on a tangent and I will realize something I could change which is only hinted at by the comment. It was a reminder to me that my thinking does not always move in a linear direction. Sometimes it can be prompted to move off in a way I never expected. What an interesting journey!

(Mayan road- Cozumel)

Signs of (Wild)life

This morning I sat on my front porch with a bowl of cereal, nuts and fruit. I noticed cars and trucks straining to accelerate as quickly as possible to get their commute behind them. Between rushes of traffic, a black capped chickadee stopped by my porch to admire my coleus, blossoming hibiscus and plumeria and also to share its song in appreciation. A fat gray squirrel waddled out from beneath a bush to see what all the fuss was about and then waddled back again. Maybe part of the purpose of nature is to balance our hectic pace.

(Black capped chickadee)

Writing, Editing and Creativity

While I was writing my novel, The Pastor's Inferno, I found my mind flooded with creative ideas, often not related to the project on which I was working. After I finished my first draft and switched to editing mode, I found that new ideas were more sparse and it became more difficult for me to find ideas for my blogs and columns. I have not been able to figure out why this is. Maybe focusing on creative writing stirs up other creative images while editing keeps me focused on ideas I have already discovered. I wonder if other writers experience the same phenomenon.

(Windows- Tower of London)

A Friend in Need

Sometimes I think I need to address difficult situations by myself and become more embroiled in them as I wrestle with what to do. Then I reach the point where I realize that I don't have to handle it by myself and that others are willing to assist me if I just ask. I have weathered such a difficult situation lately and am thankful to those who came to my assistance, especially Joe H.

(Lifeguard, Trunk Bay, St. John)

On Completing a Novel

I recently completed seven months of work on my novel, The Pastor's Inferno, and have sent copies to my small band of critical readers. Although I did not have to undergo labor, I feel like I have given birth in some ways. I am protective of my creation, a little nervous about how my readers will accept it and hopeful that it will make a contribution to those whose paths it crosses. I also feel the separation from a work which has been an integral part of me for so long and now has to stand on its own. I want it to do well, but I realize there will come a point where I will have to let go and allow it to survive on its own.

(Scene from Dante's Inferno)

Practice Flights

I was driving the other morning about 6:30 and noticed a flock of geese in formation, honking and flying in a southern direction. It is much too early in the year for them to set out on their migratory journey. It occurred to me that they might have been making a practice flight to be ready when the time comes. I also thought of journeys, expeditions and other adventures all of us will need to take sometime whether through the air or just in our minds. It also occurred to me that it would help for us to practice our skills to be ready when the time comes so they will not be rusty when critically needed.

(Geese in flight)

Stop Lights

When I was five, my father bought our first family car. Our first trip was from Fredonia home to Rochester. Halfway home in the pre-Thruway days we drove through Batavia. I thought we would never get past the endless stoplights and that my days were numbered. Needless to say, I did survive the trip although for years I thought Batavia must have more stoplights than anywhere else in the world. I am still not sure about this. In the ensuing 49 years, I have learned to be more patient and to enjoy the journey rather than being so anxious to get somewhere. I guess getting older is good for something.

(City traffic light)

Plumeria and Hibiscus

This morning as I sat on my porch waiting for the rain to life, I admired my plumeria and hibiscus plants. I bought the plumeria many years ago on a trip to the Canadian National Exhibition. Then it was only a stick a foot long. It rooted in water and and come to thrive. My hibiscus plant was a gift from a friend as he was moving to Florida. Plumeria flowers remind me of kayaking in Hawaii where I happened across an aromatic flower floating down toward me. My brother has a hedge of hibiscus which blooms much longer than the one day life of my blooms. Both flowers always bring back the delights of my trips to Hawaii and times with my brother. I'm glad life has its little reminders.

(Plumeria and Hibiscus Flowers)

Accepting What Is

In the summer we sometimes think it is too hot. In the winter it is too cold. It seems we can always think of some way life could be improved at any particular moment. It is harder for us sometimes to remember how fortunate we are until something tragic happens to us or to someone we care about. I am not always so good at it, but I try to notice the things for which I am grateful each day. I find it a good way to keep my life in perspective.

(Sunset in Dunkirk, NY)

Passing on the Pistol

Toward the end of my father's life, he was ready to let go of his target pistol. I went through all the hoops of obtaining a pistol permit and took possession of his gun. I used it a few times and enjoyed target shooting although I have never had an interest in turning it toward an animal. Now my nephew is ready to adopt it. It came into my life, a bit of memory of my father, and now passes to his grandson. I wonder how many memories go along with it.

Setting Limits

I have often talked with people about setting limits on those who disrupt their lives. It seems a simple thing to suggest and I often wonder why people don't do it. Then I faced a situation where I had to do it. I realized that it was not easy to stop people from interfering with my own wellbeing and that it is difficult, at least for me, to stick up for myself. Am I being selfish? Am I being overly sensitive? Is this really such a big deal? Sometimes I have to remind myself that my needs are important and that if I don't stick up for them no one else will either.

(Gate in the Tower of London)

Bee and Human Stings

I was thinking about bees and people the other day. Bees sting to protect their hives and the price for the individual bee is that the bee dies. Stinging is a mortal decision. I wondered what would happen if human attacks on others had a similar mortal result for the attacker. How readily would we attack each other either verbally or physically? Might we not be more careful to choose a less aggressive path?

(Bee stinger)

Crossword Puzzles and Life

As I was doing a crossword puzzle in the paper this morning, I came to realize that life is something like a crossword puzzle. Some things in life make sense immediately. Some take a little thought. Some demand research. Sometimes everything fits together nicely but sometimes what we think we understand doesn't fit in with other things we think we know. Still life is always a challenge and that's what keeps it interesting.

(Subatomic particle collision)

Poi Pounder

On one of my trips to Hawaii I learned that poi is created from mashed taro root with a tool appropriately enough called a poi pounder. I met a man who made a good side income fashioning poi pounders from monkey pod wood. I was so fascinated that I bought one from him and have admired it on a shelf for years. I must say it has never pounded poi. Sometimes the functional can become our art and delight us more than any amount of intended use.

A Winter's Tale

Now that it is hot, I have been thinking about winter for some reason. One winter when I was a teen, we had a storm in Rochester which kept everyone from going to work or school. I thought it would be a great opportunity to have a neighborhood party. My father worried about the family running out of food. We both thought each other was crazy. I have come to see since that there are people who want to seize every opportunity and those who fear the worst no matter what. With age, I have also learned that their is a middle ground of responding to adventures which present themselves and being careful not to shoot yourself in the foot.

Send in the Clowns

I wrote recently about my girlfriend Carol signing up for clown school. Last night I attended her graduation with her best friend Chick and four other clowns through Grease Paint Alley in Greece NY. I could feel their joy as they awed children wandering into the Greece Ridge Mall. They shared their joy through baloons, stickers and their wonderful selves. They all showed us how to have fun and to appreciate children by making them feel special even if just for a moment. The world welcomes their spirit.