Making Bread

A while ago a friend lent me her breadmaker. I used it for a time, throwing in whatever ingredients I thought would make a good bread and turning on the machine. It mixed, raised, remixed and baked the bread all by itself while I watched or just heard it humming from a distance. The bread was good but somehow did not seem quite satisfying. I did not think too much about it at the time. Eventually the hook became lost and I could not find another one. I did not trouble myself to buy a new machine.

Recently I read Why French Women Don't Get Fat. In it I found a recipe for baguettes (no machine involved). I tried it and enjoyed the process of mixing and kneading the bread, tending it while it rose and baking it at the right temperature to yield fine loaves. I began to experiment with different types of flour and various ingredients. This morning I am baking bread with unbleached flour, cracked wheat, wheat germ, oat bran, rosemary and olives.

I worked initially using my listening and talking skills in psychotherapy. Lately I have been concentrating on writing. But there is something deeply satisfying about mixing the ingredients by hand, creating new breads and sharing them with company. It helps keep my life in balance.

The Impersistence of Memory

In the column above mine in The Daily News this morning Scot DeSmit wrote about his faulty recollection of characters from a book he read to his children. He remembered a rabbit and a gopher rather than a squirrel and a mole. His column reminded me of the many times I have misrecollected things and events from my past. I have remembered houses being somewhere else, people looking and acting different and events not being quite the same as others recollect them. In studying memory, I learned that there are biological traces of every memory we have. Our minds also seem to have a pastime of creating scenarios different from the ones which actually happened. Maybe there is a novelist inside each of us happily going about creating new events from the material provided by reality. It certainly makes for an interesting world.

In and Out in Fifteen Minutes

Yesterday I accompanied someone to the hospital for outpatient surgery. She was told she would be in and out in fifteen minutes. That was true for the doctor but we were at the hospital for several hours with all the preparation and mostly waiting time. I think we sometimes consider experiences from our own point of view and do not consider what they are like for others. During the years I saw people for psychotherapy, I don't think I ever considered all the time they spent thinking about a session before or after it took place or how what we did in the session affected their lives and those of those important to them. I imagine this is true for any other interaction of which we are only a part. I will try to be aware that the significance of an experience for people is much larger that the small part which I play in their lives.

Learning Along the Path

I read a motivational sign at the Y yesterday, "If a path has no obstacles, it will not take you anywhere." It made me stop and think. Does everything worthwhile have to be difficult? I think that when there are challenges along the way and I learn to deal with them, I am better prepared for other obstacles I meet later and appreciate reaching my goals more than I would if it happened without difficulty. But there are some times when things happen easily and there are no associated obstacles. These are times of joy and comfort. They might not happen all the time but are welcome when they do come along. I think there are people who seem to like doing things the hard way and always look for ways to make things more complicated. They seem to relish creating challenges for themselves. Sometimes it is nice to have something happen without difficulty and just enjoy the experience.

The Technology of Communication

There was a time not too long ago when we had simple options for communicating with each other. We would stop each other on the street, visit each other's houses, call on the telephone or write a letter. Now we tend to choose between calling from a cell phone where all can hear our conversations, text messaging or e-mail.

Last week a new writers' group formed and we began looking for ways to communicate with each other. Several of us knew of structured forums we could use either through Google or Wiki on the internet. We tried setting up groups, but many of us were not persistent enough or sopisticated enough in the required technology to continue with our initial enthusiasm. Our excited communication even through the medium of e-mail fell off to nothing once we encountered the frustration of trying to deal with the technology of the forums. Best of all was meeting together in person although our schedules do not allow us to do this whenever we wish to share something with each other. I think we are coming to realize the limitations of technology which is not always an improvement on the old ways.

Fear of Poetry

I attended an organizational meeting of a new writer's group last night. I had no idea who would show up. There were writers of fiction, nonfiction and poetry. I had concerns about whether writers in different genres would have anything to talk about with each other. I learned from others with more experience in such ventures that people writing in different genres provided a diversity otherwise not available. I had not thought of it this way. Still I wondered whether I would be able to relate to poets. I remember being enthralled by Coleridge's Rime of the Ancient Mariner, Kubla Khan and Cristobel. Something about these poems drew me in and captivated me. I have tried reading poetry lately and find it hard to connect with it. I even heard myself say last night that I was afraid of poetry. It sounded strange coming from my mouth. I am not sure what I meant, but there does appear to be this undiscovered part of myself.

Schedules and Accomplishments

For much of my life I have not liked schedules. I liked to do things when I felt like it but as a psychologist my life ran by appointment. Now that I am spending most of my time writing, I have much more flexibility. Still, I have discovered that I can't be successful doing as I please whenever I please. At one time, I could only exercise in the morning. If it didn't happen then, I didn't get to it no matter what my intentions. I would write later in the day and that worked for a while. Recently I found that I felt an urge to write early in the morning and had to exercise some other time. It surprised me to find that mid day turned out to be a better time for me to exercise, at least at this point in my life. My body and mind seeem to have their own schedules which change from time to time. Rather than trying to impose my will on them, I have found that I am much more productive when I follow their lead rather than trying to dominate them.

Here's Looking at Me

I saw an article in the paper recently about narcissism in our culture and how it is increasing. Narcissus was a vain character from Greek mythology who was quite taken with himself. We seem enamored with ourselves in our culture as well. We hear all the time that we should have what we deserve (based on what?). Advertising often serves to feed our egos and point out how we can enhance our status even further. Reading about narcissism has taught me that people with this trait see themselves as sitting on a throne with their minions circling around them and on the earth mainly to do their bidding. They don't feel any responsibility to anyone else and view the rest of the world chiefly in terms of how it suits them. I suppose this would not create any conflict if there were ony one narcissist in the world and everyone else saw themselves and living only to cater to that person's needs. As it is, there are many people who see others as existing only to do their bidding. A strange world indeed. No wonder there are so many conflicts. It seems hard for many people to learn the lesson that in order to get what you want, the best way is to help others gain what they want. Then they are more prone to take an interest in your needs.

Reminiscences of Childhood

I talked with my brother today and got into discussing some of the old times. We got to wondering why we did some of the things we did and why we didn't do some of the things we would have liked to do. I seemed to forget that we acted in terms of what we know and thought at the time. He reminded me that we did what we thought best at the time and did not know then what we know now. I would have liked to do some things different as a child and a teenager but I did not have the awareness to know what the alternatives were. When it came right down to it, the alternatives I have available now just were not known to me then. We can speculate on what might have been but what happened took place because of the context in which we lived at the time.

Military or Peace Bases

I was reading recently about opposition to expanding our military bases in Italy. I thought about this and realized that we have military bases all over the world. Although some people are comforted by them, others find them threatening and fear our power. I began to wonder what would happen if we had peace bases instead of or in addition to military bases. They could be models of cooperation and caring for each other. While our country has a strong bellicose history, we also have experience helping other people. Our peace bases could be places where we listened to and learned to understand others. We might also learn something about ourselves and stress compromise rather than imposing our will on others. "People say that I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one."

The Relative Merits of Routine

I read an article in the paper this morning about the benefits of routine. People talked about the comfort of starting each day with the same routine and the feeling of comfort and relaxation which accompanied it. I remember when I was younger that what I wished to avoid most was routine and the boredom I was sure would accompany it. I thought that routine stifled creativity and kept me in a rut. Although I still like excitement, I do not crave it as much as I once did. I have also discovered that a morning routine gets me in the mood to be creative and no longer leads to a feeling of boredom. I think I have learned to balance excitement and routine.

Using the Palmer Method

I was writing my journal entry this morning when out of the blue I recalled the Palmer Method I learned in fourth grade for cursive writing. It was a traumatic time. I was raised in the age when steel nib pens were in use in my school (1951). We had to dip the pen in the ink and then write on the page until the nib was dry. Not so bad for right handers whose ink had a chance to dry before they wrote the next line. We unfortunate left handers had to push the pen across the page where it caught in the paper, making a blot which, along with what we were trying to write, was quickly smudged by our left hands closely following the pen point. My teacher, in the wisdom of the day, thought I should learn to write with my right hand. I tried it with the result that at the end of the experiment I could not write very well with either hand. I learned to print my letters to avoid the smudging. This worked better but did not afford me great marks in penmanship. I tried using the Palmer Method this morning and found my writing halting. I had to stop and think how to make certain letters, especially a capital A, which I finally had to look up. The experiment this morning forced me to think about my writing. I am not sure it helped me avoid distractions or created a new one. Anyway, it was a nostalgic visit to my fourth grade days and Sister Clement.

Gustatory Delights

After my post yesterday on the joys of smell, I thought it only fair that I gave some recognition to the sense of taste. This is another of those shortchanged if not entirely overlooked source of sensory information. I find it interesting that the mere memory of a taste can start the digestive juices flowing as easily as the taste itself. We have four taste receptors in our tongues-sweet, bitter, sour, salty. Whoa! I just looked to be sure I had this right and discovered that there is a new taste classification whose acquaintance I have never made, the umami variety which senses certain salts like MSG. I wonder how long that has been lurking in the collective consciousness of the internet. Learning through taste is usually reserved for foods. We do taste other things sometimes by accident. I suppose we could learn something about each other by tasting although that doesn't usually happen until we are on a quite intimate basis. Please enjoy you umami taste receptors at your discretion.

Olfactory Delights

I was reading recently about how to make fiction come to life. Use of the senses was suggested. We tend to use visual and sometimes auditory sense reference in writing. I realized that I at least seldom make reference to the more primitive senses such as smell. The author of the book I was reading pointed out that we live in a sanitized society with strong smells covered up. I thought back to the first night I spent in Hawaii when I could smell the beauty around me but not see it since I arrived after dark. I recalled the smells in my favorite deli while waiting for a sub. I remember the smell of my children as babies just out of the bath tub. I remember the chocolate smelling orchid and of course vanilla on the vine. It is hard to describe odors but they sure are powerful in our memories.

Capricious Creativity

Two summers ago I was drawing and painting almost every day. Last summer I was not in the mood but missed art. I have tried to get back into it on a number of occasions. It didn't work. I have felt a connection between my art and writing. When I can draw or paint, writing seems to come more easily. I tried to force myself to draw, and of course that didn't work either. A few days ago, the urge to draw suddenly returned and I am getting back in the habit, making me feel better and also contributing to my writing ease. Like many other things in life, this remains a mystery to me. I guess it is just up to me to accept the vagaries of my mind and its inclinations.

Where Did All the Time Go

I remember taking a walk with my Uncle Bob when I was thirteen. I was telling him of the get-togethers I attended as a young child and how I missed those times. He told me that time passes and so do everyone's priorities. It was time to move on and enjoy a different part of my life. I was reassured but somewhat saddened. Now many years later, I still think back to all that has happened over the years and all the times I miss now. I specifically thought of the years when I had a sailboat and the days I spent sailing on Lake Ontario. They are fond memories but it is a little nostalgic to realize they are in the past now. But maybe it is these memories which keep us going and encourage us to add new memories.

A Foray Into Politics

I don't usually write about politics. I find the whole field confusing and subject to endless debates which usually don't produce anything conclusive or widely agreed upon. I have been thinking about this "surge" idea, trying to make sense of it. So far I haven't. I did think this morning about a quote I saw on a plaque coming off the elevator of a chemical dependency treatment program. It read "If you always do what you always did, you always get what you always got." My recollection is that this statement was originally developed to apply to business. I have since found that it applies to chemical dependency as well as many other areas of life. I think it also applies to surges. Adding more troops to do the same things that have been shown to be disastrous does not accomplish much except adding to the pile of body bags. It seems very much like the increasing troop levels during the Vietnam war which never seemed to accomplish anything positive. I do agree with President Bush that if anyone has a better idea, it should be voiced. Unfortunately I don't have one, but I hope someone does or that those elected to lead our country can get together and think of one.

Slow Motion

Last week I felt like my mind was operating in slow motion. Fortunately it recovered. This week I am wrestling with a cold and my body feels like it is now in slow motion. While not actually plodding through molasses, it sure feels like it. Maybe it takes weeks like this to appreciate my body and mind and how well they usually work in tandem so I can accomplish what I want to. I apologize to my body and mind for taking them both for granted. I know I don't operate on automatic pilot, but when things go smoothly, it seems to be an occupational hazard of living to ignore what is going on behind the scenes. The drama of our lives is not a simple one and consists of much more than is obvious, even to ourselves.

Cooperation or Confrontation

I was reading this morning about the likely presidential candidacy of Barack Obama. The column was by a conservative writer. I was surprised to see enthusiasm on his part for anything smacking of the Democratic Party. After his initial enthusiasm, he went on to list some of his positions which were diametrically opposed to those of conservative Republicans. He wondered how Obama could compromise on these issues. I have been thinking for quite a while that this country needs a person who would listen to others and find ways for us all to cooperate. No one of this nature appeared on the horizen until Mr. Obama came onto the scene. I don't know how he will be able to meld opposite positions and get us to work together. But he is the first politician who has expressed any interest in doing so in recent years. It gives me hope that it will be possible for us as a country to work together again for a change.

Gaining Momentum for the New Year

I enjoyed the Christmas season very much. In the process I slacked off from my usual work schedule. Now that winter is actually here, I am ready to get back into the groove. Unfortunately it's not so easy. I have found that writing is more of a struggle these days. I don't think I have writer's block. I am able to write but just not with the facility and ease I had before. Maybe my writing habit has slipped and I need to work to get back into it. I had a dreaded thought earlier this day that I might have written all I have to say. Hopefully that is not the case. I have very much enjoyed writing over the past few years and would hate to have to find something else to do.

Walking in Another's Shoes

The title of this post is a phrase used to suggest a way to get to know how someone else thinks in order to understand his or her life. I have thought of it in another way. Sometimes you find yourself stuck every time you find yourself in a particular situation. You might have trouble figuring out what to do no matter how hard you think about it. You could ask for help, but you might not know who to ask or might be to embarrassed. Here's another idea. Think of someone you know who has faced the same situation and handled it well. Pretend you are that person the next time the situation faces you and act as that person would. If you are not sure what he or she did, try to observe him or her the next time it happens. You don't always have to understand what you are doing before you do it. By acting as the other person would, it might all might start making sense to you in the process.

Obese Children

I read this morning about a grant to address the problem of childhood obesity. I got to thinking what it takes to address a difficult problem. Like most such issues, there is no simple solution or it would have been tried already. The environment, our cultural history, our current customs, advertising, limited exercise and our way of life in general are all contributors as well as other factors I could not think of readily. Like many issues, money alone will not solve this one. It will take a critical look at how we live and what we can do differently.

Following in the Footsteps of Those Who Went Before

Sometimes we act as if we need to learn everything by ourselves. Sometimes it is difficult to remember that we are not the first people who walked the earth. We tend to do things the hard way. Maybe it is from our sense of pride. But there are very few new problems in life. Technology might change, but people tend to act as they always did even if they have some new tools. We learn about history to see what others have made of mankind and read novels to get a better understanding of the human condition from a fantasy point of view. Most of us have ancestors, living relatives and friends who can teach us ways to understand our lives if we take the time to listen to them. We are never alone in life even at times when we feel out on a limb with no support. The psychiatrist Jung wrote about the collective unconscious. We can be in touch with the learning of others through our relationships, reading and yes even the internet.

Ready, Fire, Aim

At one time I thought that only people with ADHD were impulsive. I have since discovered that world leaders can act the same way. Acting without a clear goal or strategy has embroiled us in the Iraq debacle with little sense of how to extricate ourselves from a mess we have created by trying to mold a country and its people into our own image despite their inclinations. While the Iraqis certainly did not like being ruled by a tyrant, they most certainly do not like having become a center of violence, often turned against each other. We do not seem to be used to taking our time to find reasonable approaches. We wish immediate solutions which often end up causing further problems. I wish there were an easy solution, but one does not seem evident yet.

The Wonders of Technology

I have been struggling lately to produce a DVD from film I took with my digital camera. Wrestling not only with all the various terms but the intricacies of digital formats and mechanics is enough to try my patience. Sometimes it is a challenge, but often it is drudgery. I end up spending more time figuring out what to do than I do in actually accomplishing anything. I suppose the technological challenge keeps my brain sharp. But sometimes I would rather spend my time just being creative- drawing, painting or writing with an actual pen. I don't usually think of myself as a Luddite, but sometimes I wonder about the advantages of the digital age. They make what we do faster and easier to disseminate but also seem to eviscerate the creativity, thought and emotion that goes into our work. E-mail is an example of quick, direct and cheap communication but omits the physical style, nuance and inflection of the written or spoken word. I have wondered whether there might be a way to restore these embellishments to digital communication.

Guerrilla Living

I just received a copy of Guerrilla Marketing for Writers. The book is about how writers can market their work without huge resources by concentrating on the little things that can make them successful. It occured to me that the same is true of life. I remember thinking "If I only had..." It is easy to identify things which can be used for excuses not to accomplish our goals. We can sit and wait until our wish comes true and not feel we are wasting our time. After all, how could we accomplish anything until... I am learning that If I want to get anywhere, I have to get moving with the resources I have, network with people who can help me and learn what works for others in my situation. See you at the finish line!

A New Day Every Five Minutes

I was talking recently with a friend about his mother who has Alzhiemers. He told me that for her it is like having a new day every five minutes. Everything which took place before then had been lost from her mind. I got to thinking what it would like to have no lasting memory of recent events. I think there are good and bad aspects, not that anyone has a choice. We would not have the cherished memories we might have had otherwise but then would not realize we were missing them. Anything we did not like would soon be gone from our awareness, making it hard for us to harbor resentments. I guess everything in life has its pros and cons.

Am I a Senior Yet?

I have been wondering lately if I am a senior citizen yet. AARP thinks I have been since I was fifty. That was a little unsettling although I have benefitted from some of their insurance programs. More recently I have been in somewhat of a quandry about senior discounts. Some start at age 55, some at 60, some at 62 and some at 65. I bought some tickets not too long ago which had a senior discount available. I asked what constituted a senior. The clerk scratched her head and asked, "Do you feel like a senior?" I did at the moment and walked away with my discounted ticket. I am sixty-four today and starting my last year in senior limbo. At my next birthday I will be an official senior by all accounts. I haven't decided yet how I feel about that.

Look for Your Silver Sword

Sometimes the most spectacular events in nature occur where least expected. I remember making my way to the top of Haleakula Crater in Maui and unexpectedly came across the Silver Sword plant which grows only in remote locations such as at the top of dormant volcanoes. In general, being at the top of the crater was like standing on the moon, or at least what I imagine that experience to be. There in the midst of the desolate but still breathtaking expanse grew isolated examples of the Silver Sword plant which is quite rare and endangered. I think life is like this too. Even when everything around us appears desolate, there is something worth admiring and enjoying if we take the time and effort to look for it.

Further Thoughts on Natural Law

An anonymous reader shared his perception of natural law as "the laws of nature and the universe without the intervention of man and his interpretation." I think this is a good way to put it. An example would be the law of gravity or ocean tides. They work whether we think they should or want them to. They are just there. Maybe I was confused by people arguing about what the natural law means in their interpretation and presuming to speak for God. We don't need to decide whether there are such things as gravity or tides. They are pretty obvious. How God means us to act seems to me to be a matter of interpretation and should probably be called something other than natural law.

Hitting the Ground Running

I was just beginning to enjoy a little holiday relaxation when I realized the new year was underway and it was already January 3. I always feel some urgency to get on with my activities when I get back to normal, whatever that is for me in any given year. I think it dawned on me this morning when I found myself back in the gym with everyone else who had been taking it easy. I have learned some things about mementum in the past year. I found that exercise as well as writing are easier when I make them a habit. I don't have to wrestle with myself each day to do something I am used to doing. I also realized the truth of the old Latin adage, "Mens sana in corpore sanu (a sound mind in a sound body.)

Receiving What We Send

My life partner and I were talking this morning about the phenomenon of receiving back from others what we send. If we send out negative vibrations, it should not surprise us to receive them back from others. Being kind and friendly to others encourages them to reply in kind. I have heard people say they can't find anyone to date. But sometimes when you watch them in action, their words and body language suggest a barrier no one would dare approach. I remember going to a business mixer several years ago and being disappointed not to meet anyone. When I attended the same function recently, I had a much different response. I realized that I was the one who changed and this time did not wait for others to approach me but approached them in an interested manner changing the whole tone of our interaction.

Whence Natural Law?

I have wondered for a while about natural law. Wikipedia describes it as "the principle that some things are as they are because that is how they are." Well, that may be, but who gets to decide what the natural law is? Does one find it written on the side of a tree somewhere? The theologian Thomas Aquinas in the thirteenth century stated that the rational nature of human beings defines natural law. I don't remember everyone getting together to agree on what natural law consists of. In reality governments and religions have been the ones to proclaim natural law. The whole discussion seems rather academic until we get to particulars such as contraception being against the natural law since everyone knows that sex is for procreation and without the option of procreation, sex is "disordered." That has been a source of controversy for some time. The whole matter remains a puzzlement to me. Anybody have any ideas?

Creating Positive Energy

Many years ago when I was studying physics, I learned that energy is never lost in the universe. It is possible to change energy from one form to another but not possible to create or destroy it. It was a bit difficult for me to understand. It seemed to me that machines as well as people could run out of energy. The reality is that they just run out of fuel until they are resupplied. If we can't create energy, we can at least change it from positive to negative energy or from negative to positive energy. Through our efforts we can make our immediate emotional environment toxic for those who come near us or energizing for them instead. What do you want to share with others?

Love the Ones You're With

One of my life partner's favorite sayings is, "If you can't be with the ones you love, love the ones you're with." Not all of us can be with the ones we love at Christmas for various reasons. Rather than just keeping to ourselves and staying lonely under these circumstances, we can share some of ourselves with those around us. There are always many small ways we can add to the joy or at least lessen the burden of those we meet on a daily basis. Sometimes a kind word or a very minor favor reminds that person that he or she is worthy of at least some slight consideration even on the part of a stranger. It costs us very little, enhances someone else's life and also makes us feel better. Merry Christmas.

Learning from Giving

I talked with someone recently who decided to do something different this Christmas. She looked for people who seemed to be struggling with what they could afford to buy their children as gifts. She had with her a supply of twenty dollar bills which she offered to people she thought could one. The idea seemed simple enough. Putting it into practice was not so easy. You take the risk of offending someone by offering them money, suggesting that they could use it. Even people of limited means are sensitive to how people perceive them. In order not to make them feel belittled, she had to convince them that it was more for her than for them. I have also read about how someone bought a stranger lunch for no particular reason. Most of us donate money to charities or to a church. Such giving is usually anonymous and we never get to meet the one we are helping. The experience is quite different up close and personal.

What Christmas present do we give to ourselves?

This is the time of year when we tend to be preoccupied with what to give as presents to people we care for. What would they like? What would show how we feel about them? What would make them feel good? I wonder how many of us stop to think what kind of gift we could give ourselves. I know I never did it until just now. There are a few things we could consider: permission to set time aside to enjoy ourselves, a small treat we have constantly put off, getting rid of the things or obligations which keep us from getting on with what is important to us. If you think about it, you should be able to make a good list for yourself. Then choose a few of the things you would like most. Best of all it doesn't cost anything.

What Do We Expect of Ourselves?

In yesterday's post, I wrote about what others expect of us and how that tends to shape our actions. Probably at least as important are the expectations we have of ourselves. From what we have been told by our parents, what we have heard from others about ourselves and what we have learned from experience, we have ideas about what our capabilities are. We think we know what we can do and what we can't. We could be right or wrong. We might reach beyond our capabilities or be trapped by what we see as out limitations. Our expectations are only ideas we have about ourselves. We don't know our capabilities until we take the risk and stretch ourselves a little. Even then, we might have the capacity to learn skills we don't have at present. We sell ourselves short if we stop at the limits we think we have. Taking a chance is often risky but is the only way we can find out out true abilities.

The Stigma of Ordinary People

When I was first studying psychology, I was introduced to a book called Stigma by Erving Goffman. In the book, Goffman wrote about how people who were different had a stigma or sign of their being different. People came to expect them to act in accord with their perception of how they should act in their capacity as a "different" person. This label applies to race, sexual orientation, physical and mental disabilities and other forms of differentness. It occurred to me recently that all of us have stigmas of our own. Through our experience with others they form an expectation of how we should react and they are put off when we don't act the way they expect us to. This makes it hard to step out of our shells and to be creative rather than predictable. It would be good for us to remember that when we active in a different way, people don't necessarily think we are crazy. It's just that we are not doing what they expect.

Renewing Old Friendships

I went to a Christmas party last night attended by former colleagues. Even though I have not worked with them for the past two years, they still invite my life partner and me to their annual party. After leaving other jobs, I have tended to move on and lose touch with those I worked with on a daily basis. Even though I do not see people from this practice frequently, I do keep in touch from time to time. Although I suppose it would become overwhelming to try keeping in touch with everyone with whom I have worked over the years, it is nice to keep up contacts and maintain some continuity with who and where I have been in the past. It gives me some guideposts to judge my progress and direction as my life develops.

Autonomy versus Solidarity

I am still reading Barack Obama's book. I ran across his discussion of the conflict in our thinking between autonomy and solidarity. We all want individual freedom: the ability to make and follow through wih our decisions without anyone keeping us from doing so. We also have a need for solidarity: a feeling of belongingness which makes us feel supported by others. As with so many other values, these two often conflict. Balancing them and finding a way to have a measure of both is one of our life challenges. As with other areas of our lives, nothing is ever easy.

Dogma versus Common Sense

Batrack Obama in his book, The Audacity of Hope, talks about the tension between dogma and common sense. In some ways it is easier to act in response to dogma, what we are told to believe by an authority we have come to respect, or whose respect we have inherited from our parents. It doesn't involve much thinking on our part and has usually stood the test of time. However, times change and the wisdom of dogma might not still be relevant. Common sense takes some work on our part. We need to trust our perceptions, testing them to be sure they are valid. Commonsense conclusions can fly in the face of dearly held dogmas, setting up a conflict within us. It is not comfortable, but we are more likely to act courageously if we stop to examine our beliefs to see how sensible they are.

Living Comfortably on a Powder Keg

We have come to a point in our American culture where we cling to narrowly defined extreme positions, seeing those who hold opposite opinions as the enemy. Where will that get us? Nowhere. If unchecked, our acrimony might be the destruction of our civilization. If we continue to fight with each other, we will waste our energy fighting while the world passes us by as irrelevant. It is time we start listening to each other even if what we hear makes us uncomfortable. We can gently share our discomfort with each other, inviting understanding rather than attacking our fellow citizens as enemies. This would be a radical change for our society, but one which is well worth attempting and may also be our salvation as a country.

What You Hear When You Close Your Mouth

Most of us want to be heard. What we have to say is important, at least to us. When we are looking for the chance to get in our two cents, we are often focusing on finding the opportunity and hear little of what others have to say. We want to have others hear us and accept what we have to say. I learned quite a while ago that it is possible to be considered a great conversationalist without saying anything of substance. All we have to do is listen politely to what others say and ask questions about what they are saying to let them know we are listening. Sometimes we find that others already agree with us and we don't need to spend any time convincing them of our point of view. Sometimes others are able to say more clearly what we are trying to express. Even if we disagree, knowing someone else's position gives us a bridge to communicate with them and state what we have to say in a way they can understand.

Treeless in Seattle

I read this morning about how the Seattle airport had cleared its decks of Christmas trees in response to a Rabbi being upset that there were no Jewish holiday symbols on display. It reminded me of Aesop's fable about the father, son and donkey. I also wondered what it would be like if no public displays of belief or tradition were allowed. No parades of statues through the streets of North Boston on Friday nights in the summer. No Ganandigan festival. No Reconquista celebration in Vigo, Spain. It would be a barren world with nothing to celebrate. Rather than making room for everyone to display their traditions, we would have dull, secular lives unsullied by anyone's cherished beliefs. There must be a better way. Would it not be better to know about each others' traditions rather than confining them where they are not visible?

Cooperation vs. Appeasement

I have been reading lately about the difference of opinion about whether to seek cooperation with countries such as Iran and Syria or to isolate ourselves from them as a way to avoid appeasing them. When I was pondering this, the final scene from the movie Dr. Strangelove came to my mind: a cowboy character riding an atomic bomb to his doom and to that of all who lay below. I thought that we can ride our arrogance to destruction or swallow our pride and talk with those who make us uncomfortable and even afraid. It is a humbling choice but one worth pondering.

Wars and Rumors of Wars

Today is the anniversary of Pearl Harbor. I was not around then but did arrive on the scence in the middle of World War II. I came close to being drafted for the Vietnam War on several occasions but did not see it as having the same noble purpose as the war at the time of my birth. It seems to me that we are teetering on the verge of another world war focused in the middle east although no one I know has referred to it that way. World War I was seen at the time as the last great war, but it does not seem we have learned too many lessons from it other than how to fight more efficiently. We still do not seem to have learned to listen to each other very well. Sometimes I wonder what it will take for us to make this a priority in our world.

The Death of a Friend

The Christmas season is usually a happy and a peaceful one for me. This year a friend died, disturbing my tranquility. He had been vibrant for years and always a joy to visit although I didn't see him that often. He showed us all his secret places in New England and added great joy and interest to our trips. He had been in poor health for a number of years and died as a result of complications of surgery to reset his hip. A duel is taking place within me between the happy memories and the sadness of his death. Christmas is set in the middle of winter when the earth is still and seemingly lifeless (at least where I live.) Still I know that the earth will spring to life in a few months. I need to remind myself that Michael's memory and spirit will also return when I need to think about him as I proceed through life's daily challenges.

Learning As You Go Along

I was thinking recently how much effort it took as a child to learn certain things like walking or tying shoes although I did not think about the effort then any more than anyone else did. Once I thought I was close to learning everything I needed to know. Now I realize that life is a process of endless learning. There are always minor things to learn such as how to print out part of an e-mail in the new version of Outlook. As I was growing up, there was no such thing as Microsoft Outlook. Many of the things I learn these days are not of great importance but do make life (and work) a little easier. Maybe the point is just to give my mind something to do to keep it sharp.

Accentuate the Positive

There is an old Johnny Mercer song which starts, "Accentuate the positive. Eliminate the negative." There are plenty of positive and negative things in our lives each day. We have a choice of which to dwell on. Dwelling on the positive tends to make our day go better. Dwelling on the negative has the opposite result. We tend to get what we emphasize and focus on. I have wondered why this is so but so far have not figured it out. I guess it is enough to accept it as fact. It seems to work in my life. Maybe when we look for the positive, we are more likely to find it. When we look for the negative, there it is waiting for us. We can choose whatever we want and at the end of the day have the results of our choices to comfort or bother us.